How You Are Is The Key
Stop trying to override what's actually your reality... and honor your body, your feelings, your intuitions as the gifts they are... for deeper, more meaningful work and relationships
Remember, friends, as I always say: we are human BEINGS. Not human DOINGS. Or human GOINGS. Our BEINGS are who we are. And HOW we are will determine everything about how we experience this world. We’re going to dive into an exploration of being present today. Keep scrolling.
Learning: A Lesson for You to Ponder
What’s your relationship to reality like?
Do you try to avoid it?
Do you numb yourself to it… to make it a bit less sharply focused?
Do you try to create your own reality in your mind? Or go on daydreams?
Do you try to override it — or force things that are clearly not happening?
Thanks to the always-relevant Mean Girls, I’ve got a response for that last one: “Stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen. It’s not gonna happen!”
Here’s the problem.
If any of the above sounds familiar to you… that means you are, to varying degrees, not being very present to your life. Your actual life. Your reality.
And when that is true, things like this happen:
Someone you’re in relationship with tells you how they negatively experienced something you said or did, and you immediately tell them it didn’t happen that way… or you try to quickly apologize before you’ve even understood what they’re saying, so that you don’t have to fully face or understand it… or you hear their words, and you maybe even respond to their words with some empathy… but you don’t let yourself fully feel and experience what they are communicating.
You are working on a team of people, and there is clearly not enough time, nor enough resources, to get a project that you’re all working on done… but yet you keep pushing it forward, insisting it get done.
You are driving your car, on your way home… and suddenly you’re home… and you really have no memory of how you got there.
You are in a meeting. People around you are talking. But you are daydreaming… and you completely miss the whole discussion.
You are stressed. Crispy. White-knuckling it through life. And your response to that is to drink ever-increasing amounts of wine every night.
I could go on.
Are you seeing this?
The thing about presence is that most of us aren’t good at it.
Like, at all.
We really don’t want to face reality. So why would we — gasp! — be present to it?
Here’s the problem with that, though. The present moment is our life. As in, we have no other life… except for in the present moment. Sure, the past and future often loom large in our minds, hearts, and beings. But yet, they aren’t real. They aren’t here. They aren’t now. They are only puffs of energy that we are holding in our beings.
And not only do we hold them. We let those puffs of energy completely color — and negatively weigh down — our present moments. So then, our present moments don’t get to be pure. We don’t get to see them clearly. We see them through lenses… that are smudged, darkened, distorted. We feel our present, so often, as knee-jerk responses to something not-here, not-now.
Meanwhile, our real life is happening…
… and we aren’t here for it.
Wouldn’t you like to be present for your life?
Wouldn’t you like to see problems clearly… so that you can address and hopefully fix those problems, as quickly and simply as possible?
Wouldn’t you like to be able to love and care for those around you — your loved ones, your colleagues, your neighbors — more powerfully, without letting your desire to do so get twisted up in your own selfishness and hang-ups?
I know I would.
Are you with me?
Because, I mean, can you even imagine how different this world would be… if it was being created be humans who were fully present to themselves and others — which is to say fully attuned to love?
What a revelation.
What a revolution.
Were you sad to miss the Community Care Collective: A Taste event in November? I heard from many of you who were. Good news! Another one is happening NEXT THURSDAY: December 18th, 3-5PM Central. Register today… and then fiercely hold the spot on your calendar!
Wanna learn more about it? Listen to this podcast episode, where my colleague Betsy and I talk all about our vision and plans for the collective. ⬇️
Conversation: Your Responses
Got more to say? Visit the comments section!
Are you looking for some comrades to commiserate with? How about some peers to level-set something for you? Or someone to help you find what you need… because they did it themself last year? All of this, and more, is what I anticipate happening at Community-Weaving for Fundraisers.
Just fundraisers. Gathering for (virtual) lunch together. Twice a month. Year-round. Chatting and supporting each other via WhatsApp in between lunches. Being there for each other. All you need to do is show up, be present. I facilitate, organize, and create the container.
The Waiting List is open now. Get on it!
Practice: Make It Yours
When a therapist said this to me once, I blinked:
“Your body is the only part of you that has to live in the present moment.”
Like, DUH. Of course this is true, I thought! But I had never really thought of it in just that way before, and it really drove something home for me.
We are complex beings… and there are so many parts of our beings that can spend all the livelong day anywhere but here.
Your body, though? No way.
Your body is here.
Your body will need food… and water… and sleep… and movement… on pretty regular and predictable schedules — schedules that aren’t really negotiable.
Your body will shiver in the Winter cold… and sweat in the heat, sun, and humidity of a Summer day. Your stomach will growl when it’s been too long since your last meal. Your throat will dry out and propel you towards your water glass, if you haven’t had any drinks for a while. You can’t really… think your way out of those things.
So.
CONNECTING WITH your body, and your body’s experiences in this world, is one of the simplest ways to be in the present moment.
Try this:
Wherever you are, look around you. Note and name the things you see.
Then, tune into what you hear. Note those things.
Then, tune into any smells. Note those.
Then, discern if you can taste anything. Note that.
Finally, tune into your skin… and notice the sensations it is feeling, whether hot/cold, soft/hard, rough/smooth. Note those sensations.
Notice what it feels like to be present. Notice what your body, and/or your own being, may be trying to tell you in this moment.
Inspiration: Something to Reflect On
Wherever you are, be there totally.
— Eckhart Tolle
Life is available only in the present moment.
— Thich Nhat Hanh
Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist… or always stretched open… you would be paralyzed.
Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds’ wings.
— Rumi
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Thank you for sharing this. When I get overwhelmed, part of my wellness plan is getting really present because I can mentally live in the future. It’s definitely an antidote to the wild society before us.