Your Relaxed Presence Is Everything
Rather than just trying to DO something helpful, you can learn to BE something helpful too — which is far more powerful
The quiet of a new year’s beginning has already broken up into tragedy, trauma, and grief, much like every year before this one. But the way this year’s story ends does not have to be repetitive. We can write a different narrative together. Keep scrolling to find out how we can do that….
Learning: A Lesson for You
We’re going through tough times together y’all, yes?
We’re especially going through it here in Minneapolis.
Just two days ago, on Wednesday morning, a federal Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agent shot a U.S. citizen in the face, killing her in the middle of the street in the heart of South Minneapolis, ten minutes away from where I am now.
If you’re not here, it’s a little difficult to communicate exactly what it’s like here — the thick fog of grief and trauma hanging in the air; the fear being copiously and cavalierly dealt in the streets by agents of our own government; the stark realization we’re all coming to that we’re essentially living in a war zone much more like the “third-world countries” we learned about, in school growing up, than the “democratic beacon on the hill” we were always told America was.
A few snippets may help you start to get it:
A colleague was a refugee, decades ago, from civil war in the former Yugoslavia. She wrote: “I’ve spent time in war zones before, places where fear hangs in the air and ordinary life is suddenly overtaken by violence and uncertainty. Minneapolis right now feels like that.”
Another friend (U.S. citizen, native Minnesotan) wrote this today: “I was going to buy yarn…and found myself driving sandwiched between four ICE vehicles. So of course I thought I should just start honking three times while I drive. So I did. And then they pulled their window down and started being like “Where are you going? Why are you honking?” And I’m just like “Go away. We don’t want you here.” And then they responded to me: “You better move or we’ll throw these gas canisters at you.” And now I’m shaking.
My (naturalized American, brown-skinned) husband just told me he feels like he shouldn't go grocery shopping with me. “They’re everywhere,” he says.
Yesterday, friends and neighbors started circulating the video of a U.S. citizen being arrested by ICE. They went into Target where he worked, tackled him, and dragged him outside, all the while he assured them he was a U.S. citizen. Agents could be heard saying they didn’t care. They wrestled him into the back of an unmarked car. I saw a response from his family being circulated today, confirming that he’s a U.S. citizen and they haven’t heard from him. Essentially, he has been kidnapped by armed, masked thugs.
A friend said she feels like she’s wearing “five weighted vests” as she tries to process everything that’s been happening.
There are SO MANY more examples I could give.
But I hope that starts to give you the picture.
We could be forgiven for feeling anxious, yeah?
And here’s the thing.
Even though it’s obviously justified, the anxiety isn’t really helping us.
Ultimately, it’s part of our innate survival instinct. And sure, there are times it’s useful in that way. But in drawn-out, ongoing, volatile situations like this, it actually has the potential to be far more harmful to us than helpful (e.g. potentially breaking down our body’s systems with the stress responses it creates; or escalating situations unnecessarily; or causing us to do ill-advised things that ultimate threaten us or others because we’re activated and thus aren’t thinking clearly).
SO….
We have to learn how to calm and ground ourselves.
We have to learn how to be enough in tune with ourselves that we notice when our anxiety is rising… and then be well-resourced enough to know how to help ourselves release the anxiety… so we can be as relaxed, present, and grounded as possible.
Ultimately we want to be helpful, right?
We don’t want to make anything worse.
We don’t want to hurt ourselves or others.
Maybe we’d even like to be a balm wherever we are.
Well.
Do you know how you become a balm?
You learn how to become a non-anxious, relaxed, fully aware presence.
And you show up wherever you go like that.
You can do this.
Let’s all do this.
And as we do so, and as more and more of us do so, let’s watch this world start to really change for the better….
Are you looking for some comrades to commiserate with? How about some peers to level-set something for you? Or someone to help you find what you need… because they did it themself last year? All of this, and more, is what I anticipate happening at Community-Weaving for Fundraisers.
Just fundraisers. Gathering for (virtual) lunch together. Twice a month. Year-round. Chatting and supporting each other via WhatsApp in between lunches. Being there for each other. All you need to do is show up, be present. I facilitate, organize, and create the container.
The Waiting List is open now. Get on it!
Conversation: Your Response
Got more to say? Visit the comments section!
Catch up on episodes of the For the Love of Humanity Podcast before we start publishing new episodes this year!
Ep 05 | If I’m a Fundraiser, Why Do I Need to Do Inner Work? might help you understand why this loveletter is called Inner Work… and why we talk so much here about inner, energetic realities more than we talk about more external norms, strategies, tactics, or general ideas.
Ep 07 | Vu Le Enters His Elder Era: Wisdom Incoming! is classic Vu in some ways… and a new side of him in others. I genuinely believe I called the arrival of his so-called “elder era.” And you really need to hear him talk about his new book. Have you ordered it — or even read it — yet?!
Ep 11 | Hope for Turtle Island? Right Here is a doozy for our final episode of 2025. Like I said in the intro, this is the longest episode we’ve published so far… and it’s because I just couldn’t cut more! There is so much good content when Alex Sterling is in the room. Seriously, y’all. Check out the inspiring work Alex’s got starting up at Turtle Island Community Capital… and consider supporting it too!
Practice: Make It Yours
I’ve got a breathing exercise for you to try.
I think this one is a bit magic, actually.
If you learn how to do this one, you can use it anywhere. And it has this pretty amazing ability to calm and ground you.
In the end, even though it feels like magic, it’s not really magic. This exercise actually uses your body’s innate systems for good.
You know how when you’re really tired at the end of a looong day… and you finally get a chance to sit down… or even lay down… and you give a loooong siiiiiigh? We can all recognize that desire to sigh. But did you know that sighing like this actually sends express signals to your nervous and other systems… to settle down… and to prepare for resting and digesting and renewal? Because of course, your body can’t really rest… or digest food or anything else… or renew in the way it needs to, if you’re still as tightly wound as you’ve been throughout your stressful day.
We can take this tool and use it anywhere, any time.
I’ve used it before speaking engagements.
I’ve used it before big meetings.
I’ve used it before a conversation I’m dreading.
I use it all the time.
You can too.
Here it is:
Breathe in slowly through your nose, while counting to four
Purse your lips, as though they’re around a pencil
Breathe out slowly through your lips, counting to eight
Breathe in again through your nose, counting to four
Breathe out again through your pursed lips, counting to eight
And so on, repeat, as much as needed….
Try this.
Then come back here to the comments and let me know how it’s going.
Wishing you calm.
Grateful for your efforts to be a balm.
Inspiration: Something to Reflect On
Awaken to the mystery of being here and enter the quiet immensity of your own presence. Have joy and peace in the temple of your senses. Receive encouragement when new frontiers beckon. Respond to the call of your gift and the courage to follow its path. Let the flame of anger free you of all falsity. May warmth of heart keep your presence aflame. May anxiety never linger about you. May your outer dignity mirror an inner dignity of soul. Take time to celebrate the quiet miracles that seek no attention. Be consoled in the secret symmetry of your soul. May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven around the heart of wonder.
— John O’Donohue
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Sending you all my love and support Cecelia. You are a balm in this frenzied chaos of a world. I know there is a brighter future ahead and you will be a big part of it xoxox