Y’all, I’m quite reflective today. I’m emotional. I’m tuned-in to what matters most. And I’m guessing you may be too? As the U.S. (along with the rest of the world) marks the 25th anniversary of the shocking, traumatic terrorist attacks on September 11th, 2001, I’m here to remind you that what experiences like this re-awaken in us… is actually what we already knew but, too much of the time, mostly sort of forgot.
And then, there’s this: not only is the practice of philanthropy a much more kind way to re-awaken ourselves to the truths of our human lives, it’s a place we’ve started to experience a similar amnesia to that which so many of us experience in life writ large… and I can’t abide that.
I’m here to remind us again.
Read on….
For You: Today’s Main Course
Danger has a way of clarifying things.
One second, you’re wondering what the meaning of your life is.
The next, that life is threatened…
… and suddenly, you know exactly what matters.
I don’t know why, but for some reason, today’s anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attack — the 25th at that! (just… wow) — has been hitting me more deeply than any other one before it.
I feel like that may be the case for others too.
I’ve been seeing so many reflections and memories this year, many more than I remember seeing in all the years until now.
Somehow, the fact that it’s now been a quarter of a century since this traumatic, world-shifting event… makes it resonate with a realness that I’m not sure I’ve felt since September 11th, 2001.
I’ve been emotional.
I’ve felt weepy.
I feel like I’ve been tuning more deeply than ever before into the experiences of those souls who started a regular Tuesday morning going about their lives like every other Tuesday and, by the end of the day, had had the kind of close encounters with death — or, more to the point, had come face-to-face with the very real possibility that their life could end any moment — that ensured they were suddenly very clear about what was actually important to them… and what was not.
I’ve heard many stories today about the near misses, those who got so close to death that they could feel his breath on the backs of their necks — those who just happened to be called away from the twin towers at precisely the right moment, those whose schedule changed for some mundane and/or unusual reason, or those who defied orders from their bosses (or even the Port Authority who, in a hard-to-believe re-telling, were apparently shouting on bullhorns outside of the elevators they had shut down, telling people trying to leave the buildings to return to their offices, which we now know was a death sentence) and descended hundreds of stairs to the ground level, only to exit the building(s) within seconds or minutes of when they collapsed.
I relived the story of United Flight 93, feeling deeply the experiences of those passengers who realized they were headed to their deaths on a day, a flight, that had started like any other. Just like that, they knew it was all over. They knew what was happening. And suddenly, they knew what they had to do. As many of them as could do so called their loved ones and shared their hearts with them, saying everything they knew they wanted and needed to say. And then, they behaved like superheroes in a movie, forgetting all of their human foibles and fears, actively sacrificing their lives in an attempt to save as many of their fellow humans as possible.
I’ve heard about the first responders who rushed into Manhattan on their days off, driven by a force that can only be interpreted as the brute force of Love with a capital “L” — to be there for their cherished comrades and the people they had sworn to protect and serve.
I’ve read about the 150 different vessels — “merchant ships, fireboats, charter boats, tugboats, passenger ferries, and even the Staten Island Ferry,” that “helped herd half a million people… to safety,” after they answered a call from the U.S. Coast Guard to help shell-shocked survivors escape the wreckage of Lower Manhattan by sea — apparently the largest civilian maritime evacuation in history.
And again and again, I’ve thought: there was no confusion that day.
Everyone saw, in sharp relief, what mattered.
No one worried about their 401K.
No one paused to make sure they were getting credit.
No one prioritized their biological relatives over any other human.
No one took the people they loved for granted.
No one was caught up in whatever they might have decided separated them from other humans on any other day.
None of that happened.
Instead, people prioritized speaking their truest hearts to their loved ones. They related to their fellow human beings around them like the siblings they had been all along. They forgot themselves and their egos, as they were absorbed into embodying a kind of courage that is only possible when love is prevailing above all else.
I wasn’t planning on writing about today today.
But as it turns out, I couldn’t not write about today today.
Today demanded to be written about — especially because today is the eve of my own cataclysmic, life-altering wake-up-call to Life with a capital “L.”
Today marks 25 years since the September 11th attacks.
Tomorrow marks four years since my cancer diagnosis.
And yes, these kinds of events wake us up.
They bust us out of the stupor that life can lull us into.
They make sure that we’re attuned to the miracle of it all.
They make abundantly clear how fragile these lives of ours are — just how swiftly, how suddenly they could come to an end.
But I’d like to suggest we don’t need this.
We don’t need wake-up calls.
We don’t need death to wack us over the head.
We know what matters.
We know.
Deep down, we know — and yet, we let the siren songs of ego, of pride, of greed, of material consumption and hoarding, of pettiness, of inter-personal drama, of self-doubt, of fear, of anxiety, of needing all the accolades for every little thing we do…
… cloud the purest impulse we have: to love.
Philanthropy — the “industry” of philanthropy, that is — has gotten to the point that it needs this kind of wake-up call.
And yet…
… I’m saying it shouldn’t need it.
We know better.
We know better.
We know.
We know love.
We know what matters.
So…
… let’s start acting like it, people.
Let’s start living the love we know we are, the love we know matters more than anything else, the love we know we owe each other as the most basic gratitude for the gift of these lives we’re living together on this here Earth.
Today.
Tomorrow.
And all the tomorrow’s after that….
… because there is no other pursuit worthy of these miraculous, beautiful Earth-lives we’ve been gifted out of some kind of cosmic generosity.
So let’s stop dinking around.
Let’s get real.
Let’s prioritize love, in every day, in every way we can…
… yes, friends?
Grow Your Empathetic Leadership, In Community
Are you an equity‑minded leader — with “leader” defined broadly here and not limited to positional leadership? Are you holding a lot of conflict, harm, or complexity in your role? Do you want language, tools, and support to lead without self‑erasure?
Have I got the opportunity for you.
From my very first conversation with Nneka Allen, she has helped me grow as a human being. Nneka is the embodiment of SO many good — yet seemingly contradictory — things. She is soft, yet fierce. Empathetic, yet holds you accountable. Uplifting, yet grounded. She is a wise, loving guide for your journey, the kind of guide you see, looking back with hindsight, changed the whole trajectory of your life for the better.
She is soon launching The Empathetic Nonprofit Leader Lab: an eight-week cohort experience starting September 22.
And I have a funny feeling some of y’all should be joining it.
So I want you to seriously consider it, if you feel at all lit up by the sound of this opportunity.
✨And this might seem a little weird…✨
…but I have special links for you to use if you decide to go for it, ones Nneka gave me so that she can track that you came from my recommendation.
Use the buttons below to sign up.
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Conversation: Your Real Real
I really want to know your more detailed and nuanced thoughts, too. Let’s start a conversation on this topic. Visit the comments section!
You’re a Fundraiser? Find Your Community Here
Life’s been LIFING lately, yes?! Now is the time to reach out and connect with others. When you’re embedded in supportive community, even the most difficult things don’t seem so hard.
Your community is waiting for you!
Advice when you need it. Been-there, done-thats. Commiseration. Support. A place to vent. Guidance. Mentoring.
All of this — and more — is what happens each month…
… at Community-Weaving for Fundraisers.
Just community-based fundraisers. Gathering for (virtual, on Zoom) lunch together. Twice a month. Year-round. Chatting and supporting each other via WhatsApp in between lunches. Being there for each other.
All you need to do is show up and be present… while I guide, facilitate, organize, and create the container.
Practice: Make It Yours
Find a place where you can be quiet — and uninterrupted — for a while.
Breathe deeply.
Settle into your body.
As you continue to breathe deeply and settle more deeply into your body, ask yourself these questions… and reflect on the answers:
If my life were ending today, what would I want to do first?
What would I want people to remember about me?
What would I want to leave behind?
Once you have your answers, I suggest you start living out those answers…
… no matter how many more days you have here.
A Gift for You: Something to Sit With
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Beautiful piece. In those moments, we find unnatural clarity and commitment. I found that when a natural disaster hit our area.
Oh friend, thank you for sharing this. You captured so much of what I was sitting with yesterday. My oldest turns 25 in January. I remember vividly the morning of the attack and the nightmares that followed, but also, the spirit of unity that was everywhere at the time - a balm for so much despair in our midst.
Yesterday I lit a candle for the victims, survivors, families and communities who were impacted. Let’s be honest, we are still living with the aftermath.
My prayer for today is that we all are somehow able to find our way out of the dark hole into which we’ve descended in the last decade. First, to see each other as neighbors. From there I wonder if we have more unity, we can drive out the dark to ignite something that will lead us back to the light.
I would be remiss if I didn’t remind everyone to vote like their rights & lives depend on it. We’re all we’ve got.