Together Is How We Get Through
Yes, this world is heavy... but it needn't be as heavy as we've made it
I want you to know you’re not alone. I want you to experience the joy of being in community. I want you to rely on others — to enter into relationship with them so deeply that you can’t help but feel your burdens lift. We’re talking about this today. Scroll down for more on how we get through… together.
For You: Today’s Main Course
Last night, I cried in community.
Finally.
My beautiful friend Elianna got inspired to create this event and pulled it together in just a matter of days.
She invited several local poets and writers to read their work, things they had recently written about the traumatic last few months we’ve all been through here in Minneapolis. In addition, a City Council member talked about both his experiences as the child of Mexican immigrants… and some of what the city is doing to respond. An organizer within the Somali community powerfully shared her own work — and a call to action for all of us to use our power to change things right now. A public elementary school teacher told heart-breaking stories about her students and their families, and about the heroic responses of teachers and staff who have swiftly mobilized a thorough, completely wrap-around model of mutual aid and care for these families. A local 10th grader talked about how everything has been affecting her and her friends. And a Latina small business owner shared how difficult it has all been for her, as none of her staffers have been coming into work for weeks on end.
Whether poet or organizer, elected official or student… to a person, those who stepped up to the microphone spoke from the heart… and with such power.
Some cried tears openly, while you could feel the tears simmering beneath the surface with others. But no matter what their words were, all were living, breathing embodiments of emotion and grief.
The room was packed.
Audience members clustered on an eclectic, colorful collection of couches and chairs. And despite the over-full room, you could’ve heard a pin drop as each person spoke. Time seemed suspended, as we all attuned to each person’s voice, energy, experiences, perspective.
Organizers billed this as a chance to start grieving and healing together — and they wisely scattered boxes of Kleenex throughout the space.
I cried.
Many others cried.
And I felt healing begin.
And could healing have begun without community?
I doubt it.
Not really.
Not as powerfully.
And do you know what’s sad to me?
The dominant culture I’ve been conditioned by all of my life tells me that, if I need to cry, I better go hide somewhere, away from others. Except, in my experience, as I’ve de-conditioned myself from that culture’s imprints and found new ways of being, crying in community is usually a much more powerful way to heal.
I’m grateful to Elianna for creating a container for so many of us to do that.
I think a lot of collective weight was released last night.
And this has me thinking about all the ways that being together, in community, is the balm, the medicine, the nutrition we need — especially now — to become more whole, even as the dominant culture continues to try to alienate us from each other:
We can take turns feeding each other, instead of each atomized household struggling to feed itself every day of every week.
We can resurrect “the village” model of raising our little ones, knowing that expecting one or two individuals to shoulder all the burden within lonely “family” pods is not the way bringing up the next generation is meant to be. Let’s widen our definition of family. Let’s all of us learn to step into our “elder” roles, as aunties or uncles or otherwise, to all the littler ones around us. Let’s step in to truly support, and show up for, the kids and families around us.
We can open ourselves up to being inconvenienced by each other, knowing that that will be the price of being there for each other — and having others there for us when we need them to be.
We can stop performing for each other, creating polished, perfect façades crafted to inspire others to admire us… and just find the profound togetherness in being human, imperfect, together instead.
We all need this.
We are hungry for it.
We’ve gotten so far away from living in these ways — embedded in community — that we’ve almost forgotten that we humans are actually built to live this way. And the fact that we’re not is alienating us not only from each other, but from our deepest selves.
Because our deepest selves haven’t forgotten.
We remember.
We know we need this.
We know we want it.
So: what’re we waiting for?!
Now is the time…
… to re-center community in our lives.
Step by step.
One small shift after another…
… we can gradually live into this change.
Together.
Now is the time to reach out and connect with others. Life doesn’t have to be so hard. Your community is waiting for you! Advice when you need it. Been-there, done-thats. Commiseration. Support. A place to vent. Guidance and mentoring. All of this, and more, is what I anticipate happening at Community-Weaving for Fundraisers.
Just community-based fundraisers. Gathering for (virtual) lunch together. Twice a month. Year-round. Chatting and supporting each other via WhatsApp in between lunches. Being there for each other.
All you need to do is show up, be present… while I guide, facilitate, organize, and create the container.
Conversation: Your Response
Got more to say? Visit the comments section!
Wanna show up for residents of Minnesota who have now been feeling under siege for SO many weeks? Be the wind beneath our wings!
Go to this website: Stand With Minnesota.
There you’ll find opportunities to support mutual aid… crowdfunding campaigns… nonprofits working on the ground… and even real-life testimonies about what has been happening here.
You’ll find love. And you’ll find courage.
Because those two things are what have been powering us all through this most difficult time in our shared life together.
Also, I’m calling out a specific campaign raising emergency rental assistance for families who 1) have a kid in early childhood special education; and 2) haven’t been able to work because of the occupation of our city. These families are at risk for eviction if we cannot help them pay their rent ASAP and, according to my organizing buds, this particular group seems to have fallen through all the other cracks (i.e. they are not connected to other sources of support):
Practice: Make It Yours
As we’ve talked about, community is a practice…
… and practice it we must, if we want to benefit from it.
You needn’t be perfect.
You needn’t do it all at once.
All you need to do, to welcome more community into your life, is to take one small step at a time… and before you know it, after some time has passed, you’ll turn around and look back, and you’ll realize how far you’ve come.
So.
What small step can you take today?
Suggestions:
➡️ What’s something you usually do alone? Something you can imagine would feel a lot lighter, if you had someone to help you with it? Ask someone to help you with it the next time you do it. Then reflect on how different that was than usual.
➡️ Think through your typical day(s). In your mind’s eye, see the many faces you usually encounter throughout your week(s). Stay alert for someone who you feel drawn to enter into deeper kinship with. Reach out to them. Invite them to connect with you over a meal or warm drink. Learn about them. Look for ways you can weave your lives more closely together. Then do those things.
➡️ You likely eat many meals alone during the week. Choose one of those meals per week to invite someone else to eat with you. Really engage with each other and connect, face-to-face, eye-to-eye, over that meal. No devices. No distractions. Just be present with each other. Find out about each other. See what you have in common. See what you can learn from each other.
➡️ Have a conversation with one of your neighbors per week. You know, the people you see when you’re coming and going, the people who share your trash day, the people whose power will go out if yours does, the people who could lend you an ingredient in a pinch? Do more than just saying “hi” or talking about the weather. Ask them more questions. Find out more about their lives. One a week.
What other ideas do you have?
Come up with your own.
Whatever you decide to try, just try it!
Action first.
Then reflect on your experiences.
Inspiration: Wisdom to Mull Over
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world.
Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
— Margaret Mead, cultural anthropologist and writer
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Love these ideas. I work from home. Recently I started scheduling lunch with a friend at least monthly. Every time I walk away remembering how good it feels to be in community.