One Reason Fundraising Is Hard Is Something We Don't Talk About
...and we need to stop looking for easy answers
Over the past few weeks, we’ve been examining money as it relates to fundraising and philanthropy. Today we’re going to delve deeper into how our ways of relating to money and ourselves — as dictated by the dominant culture — are completely disrupting our philanthropic efforts.
Read on….
For You: Today’s Main Course
We live in an upside-down world.
And a lot of the flip happens in our march from childhood to adulthood.
As kids, we’re told to tell the truth. Then, when we’re adults, we realize that those finding success and accolades consistently lie.
As kids, we’re taught to share. Then, as adults, we see that those celebrated in magazines and on television are those who hoard everything for themselves.
As kids, we’re punished for being mean. Then, as we acclimate to adulthood, we realize that the meanies are dominating almost every collective we’re a part of.
Our caregivers used to extoll integrity, compassion, empathy, and kindness… and now, as adults, we see that our adult peers leading governments and workplaces seem to lack all of these qualities.
We start wars in other countries — killing countless innocents, no less — while our own children starve. Professional athletes earn orders-of-magnitude more than those professionals who care for our elders. Raising up the next generation as a daycare provider or teacher is seen as a mostly “cute” endeavor, while trading stocks on the stock market (not unlike trading baseball cards) is seen as the “serious” endeavor.
As we choose our careers, we realize that, if we want to live a life that is comfortable and less of a struggle to meet our basic needs, we’ll need to avoid careers that help people, teach them, or care for them.
And what is the lesson there?
As a collective, we’ve decided that we value these things most:
dropping bombs;
killing innocents;
playing sports;
stripping our shared Earth-home of the resources it freely gives us all, and then hoarding them;
playing number and trading games to siphon excessive, individual profit off of our shared economy;
being in movies or on TV;
being “famous” in any number of ways;
and the like.
You may balk at this list.
You may say “I don’t value those things!”
But look around us.
Aren’t those the sorts of things that currently get people the most money, in our world as it is?
And wouldn’t you say that money is literally how we indicate what we value the most, as we use it as a tool to trade one thing of value for other things of value?
In a conversation with colleagues this week, I off-handedly said, “It’s really hard to make money unless you’re screwing people over.”
And I meant it.
Because I’ve experienced that.
But why is that true?!
How have we collectively built a world, over the generations, that rewards duplicity, selfishness, individuality, greed, dishonesty, power moves, pride, arrogance, fear, anxiety, and prioritizing money above all else…
… rather than rewarding compassion, care, empathy, honesty, humility, collaboration, generosity, cooperation, trust, or integrity?
This discussion is largely about depth.
And depth is something our dominant culture studiously avoids.
Because of this tendency, we’ve collectively lost the spiritual sight to really see people, and thus we get snowed by whatever façade they’ve decided to present to us.
This is also a big part of why I say that fundraising requires inner work.
And it’s also why I say that systems change will be within us.
And it’s also why I say that “philanthropy” is currently lost… and that we need to go deeper to find it again.
But even more?
I’m saying here that, to inspire our fellow humans in this world-as-it-is to freely give their money away — especially to causes that take care of people, seek justice, require empathy or compassion, or prioritize those who have been marginalized by a dominant culture that gleefully chooses winners and losers — is a steep uphill climb.
Look at the big picture.
When you do, you’ll see how much we’re going against the grain.
Now, don’t misunderstand me.
I’m not saying that humans aren’t wired to care for each other and help each other. Quite the contrary! We are wired to do those things, and yet all of the conditioning and incentives around us train us to do otherwise. So to be truly philanthropic in this world is going against the grain in a way that is often quite a challenge.
As fundraisers, we do our darnedest to help folks get there.
But if we see our work as merely focusing on the newest tactics?
Or we’re just going through the motions at our job, checking off boxes on the to-do lists we’ve made?
Or we simply repeat the “best practices” we’ve been taught without any questions, or any examination of the values and priorities they reinforce?
We’ll struggle to overcome the many chips stacked against us.
Because the way to stop re-creating the world-as-it-is…
… is to go deeper.
Our work can become overwhelmingly meaningful, if we do this!
We can:
Connect elders to the purest, most deeply human legacies they want to leave behind here, once they’re gone — legacies that are far beyond simply prioritizing their biological relatives.
Help multiple generations within families come together and prioritize values like justice, empathy, and collective care together.
Encourage and guide those who have spent much of their life’s energy focused on earning and stock-piling money… to start to question how much they value that money itself…and then deeply explore what is most important to them and, even more crucial, what their communities need… so that they can dedicate the money they’ve been hoarding to making those things possible.
Have conversations with people that help them understand, if they don’t, how poverty is a policy choice (rather than any personal failing).
Help people examine racists beliefs and tendencies they may have developed — over years of being both physically segregated from, and conditioned to believe prejudices that keep them emotionally distant from — others who look different than them.
Start to disrupt the dominant culture’s conditioning that has convinced so many of us that we are independent individuals… and help others’ eyes open to the truth: that we are “in an inescapable network of mutuality,” as Dr. King tried to teach us decades ago.
Live the lessons our caregivers taught us, prioritizing integrity, honesty, generosity, kindness, care, empathy, and compassion… not as “nice ideas,” but as character traits that we actively develop and embody, inspiring others to do the same.
Do you see where I’m going here?
A big, mostly unspoken reason why fundraising is hard… is because it is a practice of promoting starkly counter-dominant-cultural values.
And then, in addition to that, it’s because we’ve mostly repurposed elements of that dominant culture (like commercial sales and marketing tactics) to try to successfully achieve our counter-dominant-cultural goals.
Honestly, how have we imagined that that would work?
To counter-act the culture that is dominant all around us…
… we’ll need to flip it on its head.
We’ll need to turn the world upside-down again.
We’ll need to prioritize what isn’t usually prioritized.
We’ll need to value what isn’t usually valued.
We’ll need to inspire others to do the same.
Only then can the culture that will actually make our collective lives more meaningful, joyful, and worth living start to prevail:
one that seeks justice, and equity;
one that embodies collective interdependence and care;
one that thrives through unshakeable solidarity among us.
We can do this, friends.
We know the way.
We just need to walk it.
Together.
You in?
Community-Weaving for Fundraisers
We kicked Community-Weaving for Fundraisers off last week… and it’s not too late. YOU should join us!
Your community is waiting for you!
Advice when you need it. Been-there, done-thats. Commiseration. Support. A place to vent. Guidance and mentoring.
All of this, and more, is what I anticipate happening at Community-Weaving for Fundraisers. Just community-based fundraisers. Gathering for (virtual) lunch together. Twice a month. Year-round. Chatting and supporting each other via WhatsApp in between lunches. Being there for each other.
All you need to do is show up, and be present… while I guide, facilitate, organize, and create the container.
Conversation: Your Response
Got more to say? Visit the comments section!
Check out these previously published episodes of the For the Love of Humanity Podcast!
I’m not saying but I’m just saying that, despite how much of a folk hero he is, Vu Le’s episode on the For the Love of Humanity Podcast has not been the number-one-downloaded so far.
That honor has belonged to The Nonprofit Industrial Complex Must Be Composted, since it first aired. That one obviously hit a nerve with y’all!
But…
Slowly but surely, Vu’s episode — Vu Le Enters His Elder Era: Wisdom Incoming! — has been gaining downloads… and it is now TIED for first.
Will Vu pull ahead??
Only time will tell.
Other good episodes to check out right now, before the next episode airs:
Philanthropy’s Final Frontier: Time to Go Deeper Together
Why Does Fundraising Feel So Bad?
Practice: Make It Yours
The reason why the dominant culture is so… dominant… is because it very insidiously seeps into everything we do, having been repeatedly conditioned into us, over decades, by everyone and everything around us.
I mean, how do you overcome something as powerful as that?!
How, indeed?
By becoming conscious of it.
Becoming more conscious… and thus minimizing the amount of your life that you’re living from an unconscious, simply knee-jerk place… is the key.
So.
Let’s raise our consciousness together:
Pay attention to yourself, this week — especially in situations that you tend to do somewhat mindlessly.
Drop into your body, taking deep breaths. Notice what you smell. Notice what your skin feels against it. Notice what you hear. Count ten things you see. Drop out of your mind, where many of us tend to live… and into your body.
Grounded in your body, stay present.
Notice what you’re feeling, from moment to moment. Notice when your feelings make you want to act or say something. If you can, don’t just automatically do or say those things, but pause. Ask yourself why you were about to do or say that thing… and whether that is actually what you want to do or say.
Make an effort to do or say things only consciously — once you’ve actively decided to, with presence.
And because this is not easy… you can also make a practice of noticing — even hours or days later — when you acted or spoke unconsciously. The practice of becoming more conscious is gradually bringing yourself closer and closer to in-the-moment awareness. You may start with quite-delayed awareness. But the more you practice this, the more aware-in-the-moment you will become. And getting there is key to everything we’re talking about today.
Inspiration: Wisdom to Mull Over
We should never forget that everything Adolf Hitler did in Germany was "legal" and everything the Hungarian freedom fighters did in Hungary was "illegal." It was "illegal" to aid and comfort a Jew in Hitler's Germany.
Even so, I am sure that, had I lived in Germany at the time, I would have aided and comforted my Jewish siblings.
I must make two honest confessions to you, dear ones.
First, I must confess that over the past few years, I have been gravely disappointed with moderates. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the greatest stumbling block for those of us working towards our collective liberation is not MAGA or anti-woke-ness, but moderates:
...who are more devoted to "order" than to justice;
...who prefer a negative peace, which is the absence of tension, to a positive peace, which is the presence of justice;
...who constantly say to us, "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods;"
... who paternalistically believe they can set the timetable for others' freedom;
...who live by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advise us to wait for a "more convenient season."
Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.
I had hoped that people would understand that law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice and that, when they fail in this purpose, they become the dangerously structured dams blocking the flow of social progress.
I had hoped that people would understand that the present tension is a necessary phase of the transition from an obnoxious negative peace... to a substantive and positive peace, in which all human beings will respect the dignity and worth of every other human being.
Actually, we who engage in work for equity, justice, and collective liberation are not the creators of tension. We merely bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive. We bring it out into the open, where it can be seen and dealt with... and transformed.
Like a boil that can never be cured so long as it is covered up, but must be opened with all its ugliness to the natural medicines of air and light, injustice must be exposed — even with all the tension its exposure creates — to the light of human conscience... and the air of national opinion... before it can be cured.
- Lightly adapted to speak to our present moment, from the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Junior's Letter from Birmingham Jail
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