It's Definitely Not the Money
...so why are we so distracted by it?
Did you miss me last week? Maybe you aren’t paying close-enough attention to have noticed there was no Loveletter last Friday? Long story short, I was traveling (to San Diego, California, for the Community-Centric Fundraising Family Reunion!) and there were just too many chaotic variables to make publishing work.
But I’m back now! And I’m inspired by the Closing Plenary Session I led with my friend Alexander Sterling, Co-Founder and CEO of Turtle Island Community Capital, to talk a lot more here about capital, about money — about the extractive relationship capitalism has taught us to have with value, and about how we might move into a greater sense of mutuality and reciprocity with each other.
We’re starting that discussion here, right now….
For You: Today’s Main Course
So you showed up on this Earth in a little baby body.
Then, you grew into a toddler, learning to crawl, then walk… and then, you started school, learning your letters and numbers… and then, you learned how to read and write… and then, you started learning more complex math and language… and then, you started learning about your emotions and relating to others… and then, you went through puberty and started developing into an adult… and all of the lessons started to be a lot more of the intra- and inter-personal variety than anything else.
You picked up so many of your lessons via osmosis, simply by soaking in the attitudes and emotions and perspectives of those around you.
You might not even be exactly sure where some of your beliefs and tendencies came from, at this point.
But you’ve lived with them for years, by now.
For example:
What about the way you relate to money?
What is that relationship like?
How would you describe it?
Most of us have a pretty complex relationship with money. We’ve struggled without it. And/or we’ve witnessed our loved ones falling out over it. And/or we’ve hated it, or loved it, or loved to hate it, or felt like we should hate it even though we loved it.
There are so many layers to this relationship.
So much history.
So many experiences we’ve had, over the years.
On Sharing Money with Others
Your early experiences on this one were likely sources of conflict within your family of origin. Lessons of sharing, or not — and who to share with, or not — are often some of the most emotional struggles in childhood.
As we’ve grown up, we’ve continued to struggle. If we’ve taken money in, and we consider that it’s “ours,” don’t we want to keep as much of it as possible? Certainly, then, something like paying taxes should be avoided as much as possible.
Contributing to someone’s GoFundMe? Or other forms of aid? Maybe. But definitely not, if we’re feeling anxiety about our own finances — and probably not, if we feel like they haven’t managed theirs well.
We’ve almost certainly been taught, by our dominant culture, to clearly distinguish between what is “ours”… and what belongs to others — and accordingly, of course, to very carefully let go of what is “ours.”
On Receiving Money from Others
Many-to-most of us have absorbed lessons from our dominant culture that we should not be open to receiving money from others. “I’m not a charity case!” is a common phrase we’ve all heard, right?
Of course, we’ve absorbed that only people who are “needy” or “poor” or “charity cases” receive financial help from others — and that there is certainly no dignity in receiving money from others without “earning” it.
Receiving financial help from others joyfully, or with gratitude? Knowing our dignity is intact? Knowing that in doing so, we may be strengthening our relationship and sense of community with that person? Not-so-much.
On Who’s “Deserving” of Money… or Not
Our dominant culture has taught most of us to evaluate whether individuals or organizations (like nonprofits) are “deserving” of any money.
Give it to someone panhandling on the street? No way. They’ll probably just squander it or use it on drugs or booze. Right? Or… we think a nonprofit spends too much on what we think are “overhead” expenses? No way. We’ll give to another organization with lower “overhead” (which in truth means one who has managed to represent their accounting in a less-true way, since “overhead” should really be known as core mission support, since it’s impossible to accomplish any mission without it).
Freely giving and sharing “our” money with others, no matter who they are or what they’ve done, or how they’ve managed it in the past? No way.
On How Much Money to Save/Keep
Especially here in the United States, we’ve fanned the flame of a giant myth for generations: that of the “rugged individual,” one pulling oneself up by one’s bootstraps. We’ve bought into this myth so fully that we’ve refused to create any kind of collective safety net — one that could catch any of us when we’re struggling.
So the reality we’ve created? Each individual and family is having to scramble to save enough, so that they’re not ruined by any of the myriad surprise struggles that often appear in these human lives of ours: an accident; an illness; a lost job; etc.
And as time has gone, on and the inevitable inflation has taken hold, that’s become less and less possible. Now, it’s the rare family that can actually weather these storms without help.
And those that can?
They’re cultivating a hoarding energy that is not healthy for any human — simply because they’re trying to survive, and they’ve been taught that that is the only way to do it.
Because if you’re worried about surviving in a hostile world that will likely not help you? Why would you ever give away some of what you’re socking away for protection, in case of personal disaster?
We Can’t Take It With Us
You’ve probably heard this one, right?
We can’t take it with us.
We showed up in those little baby bodies without anything material… and we’ll leave our adult bodies (some of us sooner than others, but all of us soon enough) without anything material, too.
Money is simply something we steward for a time.
In short, money is just a tool we humans invented, at some point, so we didn’t have to carry around eggs or live animals or other large items, to trade with others to meet our needs. Money was supposed to make exchanges within our economies simpler. And in practice, money has started to complicate everything.
And as each of us gets to that point of crossing over into the spirit world from this material one…
… what do we think will be most important to us?!
I can almost guarantee you it won’t be money.
But you certainly can’t tell that by how we live now.
Community-Weaving for Fundraisers
Life’s been LIFING lately, yes?! Now is the time to reach out and connect with others. When you’re embedded in supportive community, even the most difficult things don’t seem so hard. Your community is waiting for you!
Advice when you need it. Been-there, done-thats. Commiseration. Support. A place to vent. Guidance and mentoring.
All of this, and more, is what I anticipate happening at Community-Weaving for Fundraisers. Just community-based fundraisers. Gathering for (virtual) lunch together. Twice a month. Year-round. Chatting and supporting each other via WhatsApp in between lunches. Being there for each other.
All you need to do is show up, and be present… while I guide, facilitate, organize, and create the container.
Conversation: Your Response
Got more to say? Visit the comments section!
Check out these For the Love of Humanity Podcast episodes!
I’m not saying but I’m just saying that, despite how much of a folk hero he is, Vu Le’s episode on the For the Love of Humanity Podcast has not been the number-one-downloaded since it aired.
That honor has belonged to The Nonprofit Industrial Complex Must Be Composted, ever since it first aired. That one obviously hit a nerve!
But…
Slowly but surely, Vu’s episode — Vu Le Enters His Elder Era: Wisdom Incoming! — has been gaining downloads… and it is now TIED for first.
Will Vu pull ahead??
Only time will tell.
Other good episodes to check out, before the next episode airs:
Philanthropy’s Final Frontier: Time to Go Deeper Together
Why Does Fundraising Feel So Bad?
Practice: Make It Yours
Is it harder for you to let go of money… or to receive it?
Your answer to this question will determine your practice.
If it’s harder for you to let go of money:
Be on the look-out, in the coming week, for someone or something that seems in need of some money. When you see the opportunity (and you will see it), give. Give without question. Give without hesitation. Give.
And then reflect:
How did that feel? How was it hard? How was it easy? How can you do that again?
If it’s harder for you to receive money:
This exercise is asking you to remain open to gifts wherever they may arrive from. Maybe someone wants to buy you coffee, or a meal. Maybe they offer to cover a ticket for you… or give you a book. Maybe your car breaks down and you are stressing over the cost, and someone offers to help you. Joyfully receive anything offered, all of it, with gratitude.
And then reflect:
Was that hard? Why? How did it feel to receive? How did it feel to let gratitude well up in your heart? How might you keep opening to these kinds of gifts?
Inspiration: Wisdom to Mull Over
Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
— Jesus the Christ (Matthew 5:42)
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