Do Less
Relaxation should not just be for special times
Dear Ones,
I feel stress in the air these days.
Those of us working in nonprofits/fundraising/philanthropy are feeling the pace pick up. I’ve seen SO many galas and other events happening.
And now is when all of the final preparations for year-end fundraising are happening.
And SO much more… right?
So today, I want this email to be a breath of fresh air for you.
Take a moment for yourself to read it… and heed its message.
With Love,
Cecelia 💗
PS:
As a reminder, when I first started publishing here, I only had comments open to paid subscribers. My motivation for this was largely because I tend to view this internet behemoth as a bit of a Wild West… and I didn’t really want to leave open the chance that anyone and everyone could comment… because I just didn’t know what might happen or how bad the trolling might get.
But I don’t want to let fear run the show, here.
So I’ve opened it up… to everyone!
I really, really hope you engage with these posts.
Please comment with your thoughts, to help advance the conversation.
And if you don’t have a comment in you, please “heart” the posts, to let me know you’re here and reading along and taking in what I’m saying.
This is meant to be a place for both reflection and conversation… and I’d really like to see the conversation(s) start to develop.
I’ve also opened up all past posts… so if there’s one or more that has really made you think… or stuck with you… please go back and leave a note!
PPS:
As another reminder, I’m now offering group subscriptions to For the Love of Humanity — which allows teams to sign up for the full value here… with a discount.
People told me that they really want to bring their teams into the discussion here, and I hope this helps that happen.
“I hope this finds you well.”
How many times have you seen this message in your inbox?
We’ve all become so accustomed to writing — and reading — this phrase… that it has kind of lost any real meaning.
But here I am, genuinely wondering:
How are you right now?
How are you… really?
Will you take a deep breath for me, please, and let it out sloooooowly?
How about another deep breath, and letting it out even sloooooower?
And another?
If possible, try to keep up the deep breaths, and the long out-breaths, as you read this entire message today.
Do you know why the long out-breaths are so important?
In case you don’t, I’ll let you know that a long out-breath signals to your nervous system to calm down.
Think of a long sigh.
When you consciously breath long out-breaths, you can help your body settle — as if it is sighing at the end of a long day, or even on the first day of a vacation.
See that beautiful photo above?
Feel free to admire it a bit more, to sit with it.
Imagine how that sand feels as you sink your bare feet into it.
Hear the waves in your mind.
Feel the sun on your face.
A sight like that is something we’ve programmed ourselves to associate with vacation, with relaxation. That’s the vibe, right?
Here’s more of that vibe for you today….
Now.
How do we bring that vibe to our daily lives?
Right?
Here’s the thing.
Yes, there are things you can do for yourself.
And I am ALL about those things.
We will talk about them often here, over time.
Things like…
Meditation.
Yoga.
Deep breaths.
Taking a walk — especially in nature.
Getting a massage (or even massaging your own self).
Acupuncture.
Healing Touch or Reiki.
Sitting by a body of water.
Dancing it out to some of your favorite music.
These practices are all great — I speak from experience! — and I encourage you to practice them on a regular basis.
Yet, today, I want to focus on a practice that is more big-picture, environmental, systemic — and, I’d argue, hardest of all to accomplish: doing less.
Responsibility
Responsibility.
We humans tend to take on a lot of it…
…especially if we find ourselves in this field of work dedicated to making our world a better place… and being in solidarity with our fellow humans in deep suffering.
Taking responsibility is not a bad thing, per se.
In fact, it’s generally good. Very good!
Because I think about those who have swallowed the lie of individualism hook, line, and sinker. Who believe in that ridiculous “boot straps” analogy. Who think there’s such a thing as a “self-made” anything.
And I wish those folks would take far more responsibility for others in their communities, especially if those people are not related to them by blood or are different than them in various ways.
Yet, here we are.
We folks who have dedicated our lives and careers to community.
We folks who often feel a deep sense of responsibility for bettering the world.
I think many of us need to lighten our load a bit.
Because many/most of us have been killing ourselves — especially lately.
And that is not OK.
Over-Functioning
Over-Functioning.
Are you familiar with this concept?
Let me demonstrate an example of it from my own life.
When I was in high school, it wasn’t enough to get straight A’s. Oh, no. I was in a small group in my class that was aiming for more than a 4.0 GPA. If we took AP classes, and/or college classes, A’s in those classes were weighted even more than 4.0. So that was the goal! And I graduated with OVER a 4.0 GPA. Looking back, I just want to plaintively wail… Why?!?
Why strive that much?
Why try that much?
Why make things any harder for ourselves than they need to be?
We all have reasons.
In this case, I was a good soldier. I had well absorbed the messages my family and culture taught me. I knew I was aiming for the stars. I knew good wasn’t good enough. I knew I had to be much better than good.
Does this resonate with you at all?
Are you doing too much?
Are you going above and beyond? Far too far beyond?
Do you struggle to find “good enough”?
Do Less
Do. Less.
The challenge with this one is that it’s not exactly self-care — not a decision that you can just make yourself and then do.
Rather, it’s more a form of community care.
This one is usually bigger than just one human — unless it’s something in your personal life that just involves you.
When it involves your workplace… your volunteer gigs… your family… your neighborhood… etc., this needs to be a systemic decision.
So.
I’m encouraging anyone and everyone reading this to initiate these kinds of conversations in the communities of which you’re a part.
What can we stop doing?
What is not actually as important as we are making it?
What is becoming a time-suck? An energy-suck?
What are we still doing that is not actually contributing to activating our most important values… goals… or sense of mission in the world?
What can we let go?
I know that this is especially difficult in the world of nonprofits and fundraising and philanthropy, because everything seems so important, all the time.
Because SO MUCH IS important.
Yet, I think we need to get better at identifying what isn’t actually that important.
At being disciplined with prioritizing.
And with only allowing ourselves a few priorities at a time.
Otherwise, are they really priorities?
And then, once we’ve determined our few priorities, something would have to work really hard to actually be added to our To-Do Lists.
I want you to be pretty brutal about this.
There will be things that will be HARD to let go…
… but you will need to let go nonetheless.
And you will have to reflect really deeply, think long and hard, before you agree to add something to your plates, too.
Give each other grace.
… when somebody says no.
… when somebody can’t do something they said they would.
… when somebody asks to stop doing something.
We all need to be in cahoots with each other on this one.
Let’s minimize distractions.
Let’s eliminate time-sucks and energy-sucks.
Let’s stop spinning our wheels together.
There’s often no real reason we need to be stressed-out and on edge in our daily lives. But yet we end up there.
Let’s stop doing this to ourselves, and each other.
We can bring more of that relaxation vibe into our every day — and, in fact, you will be much more effective at whatever you’re doing if you do. (We’ll talk more about the value of relaxation to productivity and effectiveness in the future.)
Now, scroll back up to those images above…
… take more deep breaths, with long out-breaths…
… and start making a list…
… of all of the things you will NOT be doing anymore.
💗