Our journey to a better world is not the path we usually think we need to tread. In fact, we usually think of a better world as being “out there” somewhere. But I’m here to tell you today that it’s not out there at all.

Read on….

A winding gravel path between large mossy trees in warm golden light — Photo by Mario Dobelmann on Unsplash

For You: Today’s Main Course

The world around us seems to become gnarlier by the day.

Violence. Misunderstandings. Yawning-and-ever-widening gaps between the haves and have nots. Harshness. Insults. Rampant consumerism.

All of which often bring us to…

Overwhelm.

Grief.

Loneliness.

Cynicism.

Doesn’t it often seem like these things are all “winning”?

Friends, I’m here to tell you that these things will win — they’ll keep dominating the headlines and our lived experience, continuing to grow and spread — if we keep choosing them.

Say what?!, you may ask.

I’m not choosing violence! I do my best to understand people! I give my money and my time to support my community, especially those who are falling through the cracks! I attempt to move with compassion! I try to respect everyone I encounter! I’m trying to reduce my carbon footprint!

If those things are true for you, I love it.

And…

… there is more we can do.

We always talk about all the problems as “out there,” don’t we? The systems we lament are “out there.” The things we can easily see need to change are “out there.”

And here’s the problem with that understanding.

One, it’s not entirely true.

And two, it places all of the onus and power outside of ourselves. And that’s just not true, either. Like, not at all.

And wouldn’t you rather know you have the power, here?

Because you do.

And that means you’re not helpless.

You’re not a victim.

Fatalism is not your birthright.

We humans co-create every single human reality.

Systems don’t really exist “out there.”

Systems are actually “in here.”

Systems exist within us, as who we are and how we are in this world are part and parcel of those systems’ manifested, interconnected realities — which live and move and come alive within us.

The ways we have been conditioned by the world around us live and perpetuate within us. And then, when we allow ourselves to react in knee-jerks to the world around us, we’re simply recreating that world as it has already imprinted us — as it already is, in other words.

The alternative?

Consciousness.

Awareness.

Presence.

What if, instead of reacting in knee-jerks to the ways the world around us comes to us, we simply met it with groundedness and awareness… and responded to it in a way we consciously chose?

In general, we humans don’t do this.

So that’s why I bring it up.

This is a very important change we all need to make, if we want the things we witness in the world around us to actually change.

Need a bit more practical explanation?

I got you.

Ways this may come up for you:

If something’s not clear to you, just ask others to clarify. No more sitting in meetings or conversations feeling lost, or like you’re having to assume things. Don’t assume. Don’t stay confused. Ask. A word is being used, and you’re not sure how everyone’s defining it? Ask. Something from the past is being discussed and you weren’t there? Ask. You’re being asked to do something and you don’t understand how to go about it? Ask. Ask. Ask. Get used to asking. Get used to requesting clarification, regularly. Clarification is your friend (and the friend of everyone around you, because you’ll be actively bringing clarity with you wherever you go).
If you’re mad, don’t stuff or act out the anger. Speak it, calmly. The world as we know it has no idea how to handle anger. Many have been conditioned to just stuff it (which doesn’t actually work, because it eventually finds its way out, either by going sideways at someone else, or by damaging your own body/being). Many more have been conditioned to puke it all over anything and everything around them. Neither of these methods is helpful, even though one or both of them are far-and-away the most common responses to it. The alternative? Honor it by speaking it. Calmly. Share it with those who need to hear it. Use your words. Then hold the boundary that those who’ve received your words need to honor your anger and its message too.
Don’t run from conflict. Embrace it. We’ve got a couple typical extremes on this one, too. On the one end of the spectrum, people avoid conflict like the plague (which is about as successful as stuffing anger, because it too always finds its way out into the light). The other extreme is to be aggressive and pugilistic, seeing fights everywhere and gleefully seeking them out (which, unfortunately, seems to be getting more and more common, especially in the media multi-verse). This is not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about accepting that conflict is inevitable, in human relationships; if we’re in human relationships, there will be conflict. And that conflict does not need to mean the end of the relationship (because no relationships would exist, then!)… nor that somebody gets canceled… nor that somebody needs to subjugate themselves… or some other less-than-ideal outcome. Rather, if conflict is embraced in a healthy way, it often becomes a means to deepen the relationship. Often, you’re able to deepen your understanding of yourself too. Conflict is necessary. Conflict is expected. Conflict is healthy. Conflict stretches us to grow and change. Managing conflict well is the ultimate form of adulting.
Everyone gets to be inside the circle of care. Unless they’re actively spitting on it. And even then, they’re in once they stop the spitting. Many of you reading this will think you’re already well on your way to this one — and you may be. Certainly, certain political persuasions are far from this reality, and folks with those worldviews are unlikely to be interested in this project. And yet, even folks attracted here likely have people to whom they have hardened their hearts. Be honest with yourself, and you’ll probably realize you’re doing this at least sometimes, with some people. Hardness and harshness are the norm in this world by far. We don’t need any more of it. Can you imagine how different this world would be… if more and more of us didn’t allow ourselves to harden? If wherever one of us was located on this Earth… was a place that every single human was embraced warmly, with compassion? Imagine those spots on Earth — those spots where each of us is living — like nodes. Then, imagine those nodes gradually starting to grow bigger and become interconnected. Can you see how quickly norms could start to change? If more and more of us had that experience of being accepted into the circle of care, knowing that we were loved and accepted just as we are… and that we’d always have our needs honored? Can you even imagine how different this world would be?
We live as though all other living things around us are our beloveds. Related to the point above, we don’t have to have an enemy. Anywhere. Sure, we can have people who are yet-to-be-friends. We can also have people who we maintain clear boundaries with, if we’ve learned we need that for our own well-being. And yet, that process is just about loving ourselves — not hating them. We don’t need to hate anybody. We can live as though there’s not such a thing as an “us” and a “them” — there is only “us.” We can live in a way that acknowledges and respect and honors how interconnected we are, not only with every other human being, but with every other form of life. We can relax into a Universe that is kind, beautiful, and joyful, because we know that we are surrounded by all of our living relatives, whose whole purpose of existence is to live in harmony with us, as ours is to live in harmony with them — and then our lives can become simply the joy of pursuing and experiencing that harmony.
We live as though everything we do affects all of our beloveds around us. Do you know what a relief it’d be for us all, to stop living as though we’re islands? Do you realize how much we could relax, if we didn’t feel like we were constantly in some kind of Squid Game-like competition for survival, with all the other humans and living things around us framed as our rivals? Can you imagine how differently you’d move in your life, if you not only believed — but knew in your bones — that every single thing you did (and even felt and thought) directly affected all of the humans and other living things around you? Can you imagine if you lived in a world where every single human and other living thing around you was beloved to you? Wouldn’t this world seem like some kind of paradise, then?

When I imagine more and more of us living this way, I can hardly contain my hope for what this Earth home of ours can become.

What do you think?

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A Better World Is Not Out There